Fear of Flying
I used to hate flying. I would be so anxious, but now I am calm and relaxed. In fact I actually enjoyed my last flight a lot and I was totally calm all the way through. I want to help you do the same, because you can overcome this phobia. You can be free of it. So stay with me and read this all the way through. You will find the thought of that flight you have coming up is much less scary by the time you get to the end of this article. Do you have a fear of flying? If not and you know someone who does, please share this article with them. I believe there are some answers here that will help overcome this phobia.
Contents
Contents:
- What it is like to have a flying phobia
- What are the standard treatments for aviophobia?
- The 12 elements that make up a fear or phobia of flying and how to conquer them
- How I prepare for a flight
What it is Like to Have a Phobia of Flying?
If you have a severe fear or phobia of flying you are likely to think things like: What if the plane crashes? What if I have a ‘meltdown’ on the plane and everyone stares at me? If you have a phobia you may be in a heightened state of stress. This makes you susceptible to fearful, irrational thoughts and panic reactions. Reasonable, logical thought becomes difficult in this state of anxiety.
A Tangle of Fears
In the weeks before the flight you may develop a sense of worry, fear and trepidation that makes it difficult to even get to the airport. Once at the airport you may feel extremely anxious. The sights and sounds are unfamiliar and this lack of ordinariness enhances and feeds anxiety. It may only reduce once you have safely landed at your destination. So what can be done? How can this tangle of fears be unraveled? How can it be replaced with positive, calm reactions?
Fear of flying Photo by: Manfred Irmer, Pexels
What are the standard approaches to overcoming a phobia of flying?
Medication
If you have tried talking to your doctor about your phobia of flying you may be offered a drug to calm you down. Diazepam is a common one. In the UK it is difficult to get this prescribed. If you did you would only get a few tablets, which would be just enough for a minimal dose on each flight. Many people, myself included, don’t want that. I don’t think feeling drowsy helps my anxiety. The worry about when to take the tablet is also an issue because for some, the anxiety continues for many hours.
Courses
Flying courses can be very effective but for some people results can fade into the memory bank and stop impacting your future travel. Fear of flying courses are available. At the time of writing there is a course in the UK by Easyjet priced at £219 including an experience flight.
Books and Research
Books can be useful if you feel that learning about how planes work may ease your anxiety. There are a few helpful ones written by pilots, that explain the physics of flying, what safety features planes have, how the plane works with lots of questions answered. For some this can be helpful but I personally would not enjoy reading a book about how planes fly while in one. However, perhaps it is worth looking into as part of your preparation before traveling.
Hypnotherapy
Hypnotherapy can help you feel more relaxed about flying, but it works best when the phobia is not too complicated. A bad experience can undo it, so you need to listen to hypnosis audios or see a hypnotherapist to restore it. I have a Fear of flying hypnosis audio (click here to view it on my website). It is ideal to listen to an audio like this in the weeks before your flight, and on the plane to calm you. If you can manage to stay calm on a few flights you will create a ‘new normal’ reducing or curing the fear.
The 12 Elements of Flying Phobia and How to Conquer Them
People with aviophobia have different elements that make up the overall anxiety reaction. You may have anxiety about some or all of the following:
- Pre-flight anxiety
- Fear of something going wrong
- Journey to the airport
- At the airport: Check-in and security
- Triggers
- At the airport: Going to the ‘final gate’
- Boarding the plane & waiting to take off
- Taking off
- Noises and sensations
- Passing the time
- The descent and landing
- How you did it and why you can do it again
1. Pre-flight anxiety
A. The Phobic Way:
When you booked this flight maybe you thought that by the time it comes around you’ll somehow be free of this anxiety. However, if the trip was far in the future, the anxiety had not yet developed. Flying anxiety builds up as the flight approaches and the closer it gets the more your anxiety builds.
Perhaps you are wondering if you will be in a worse state than last time and perhaps you are hoping something will come up to mean you have to cancel it. This build up of anxiety is how you have been prepping yourself for abject terror on the plane for the whole time you have had this phobia. You may have nightmares of the plane crashing and anxiety just thinking about the journey. How can we change this and stop this build-up occurring?
“Whatever you resist, persists”
Carl Jung
B. The New Way:
Accept that you are definitely boarding that flight. Accept anxiety feelings without fighting or resisting them. Take a breath and sigh as you breathe out, letting go of tension. Let go of anxiety as much as you can, resisting it only makes it worse. Let the anxiety be there and let it then, not be there. Here is a practice to achieve this:
Reduce your anxiety level with meditation
Start meditating for 15 minutes once or twice a day and increase it as you go if you want to. Work at letting your consciousness expand out of your head, filling a larger space around you. This might be as wide as your outstretched arms or even fill the room you are in. Observe how thoughts float by but don’t get drawn into them. Let quietness develop in your mind. Practice daily for as long as possible before your flight. This practice builds mindfulness skills.
Mindfulness is the ability to focus on a single thought or idea, without the mind wandering off too much. If you think about it that is probably the opposite of what happens when you are anxious and your mind bounces from one unpleasant thought to the next.
Click here to go to my ‘Om’ meditation download on the website.
You can use it to practice meditating and silently chanting ‘OM’ in the days or weeks before you fly. You can also use it on the flight by downloading it to a smartphone or laptop.
2. Fear of Something Going wrong
A. The Phobic Way:
If you are about to drive to the shop to get some bread, do you have a panic attack thinking you might not make it there? You are more likely to die in a car crash than in a plane crash. Recognize that it is just an irrational fear. Being in the sky in a plane is one of the safest places you can be anywhere in the world. It’s much safer than driving. It’s safer than having a bath or walking down stairs.
B. The New Way:
Read about how planes work. Watch videos of planes taking off and landing. You could discover things like how they get up into the sky, how they have safety systems that make it almost impossible for anything serious to go wrong. Think about how planes fly all the time, all day every day. How the cabin crew do their job and they do it every day for years and years. Think about their calm manner and their calm faces.
“A person could, on average, fly once a day for four million years before succumbing to a fatal crash.“
The Week By Sorcha Brandley
3. Journey to the Airport
A. The Phobic Way:
Previously you may have felt pretty unwell on the way to the airport. You may have struggled to sleep the night before, perhaps you have a headache or gastric upset. The anxiety would probably kick in on the way and amplify through the journey until after flying to your destination. Let’s stop this anxiety process. What can you do to change it?
B. The New Way:
If you did the pre-flight meditation exercises you will find you can use some of that to reduce your stress levels. On the way to the airport it’s time to go with the flow, the day has arrived, accept things as they are, try to keep your mind focused on the present moment only. Do not think about anything beyond this journey to the airport. If you are driving, play some music. If you are a passenger you could read or put your headphones on and just relax. Take a deep breath and let the tension go.
4. At the airport: Check-in and Security
A. The Phobic Way:
You probably feel nauseous and stressed now. You queue and get bags checked in, passports checked, tickets or paperwork scanned. You see armed police, police dogs you are not feeling relaxed. You go through security and bag checks. It’s all anxiety-inducing for anyone, especially if you are already anxious. But could you let all of this security make you feel good? How can you feel as calm as possible?
B. The New Way:
You made it to the airport. That’s the most dangerous part of the journey behind you now. Security processes check everything is okay, so you can feel secure with all this security. Keep your mind blank and focused on the present moment. Not wandering, but attentive, present and focused. You walk calmly slowly, steadily, breathing out tension and letting yourself feel relaxed and at ease. Security processes and safety measures make you feel safe. If there is even a flicker of anxiety, it’s okay, you don’t have to feel perfect, okay is good enough. You can also pretend to be calm. Imagine how a calm person would look and feel. Play that role.
5. Triggers
Can’t they stop writing the word terminal all over the signs please, it’s not helping us!
A. The Phobic Way:
Why do they have signs saying ‘terminal’? Synonyms for terminal are: fatal, incurable, lethal, extreme, killing and mortal. It feels like a negative word to me. Why is it called a terminal? And what about gates, gates to hell, gates to heaven?
B. The New Way:
It’s called a terminal because flights begin and end there. Like a bus or train terminal. Think instead ‘station’. Let’s call them ‘plane stations’ instead of terminals. Remember that terminals are plane stations. Use your meditation skills, keep your mind focused and steady. You are in control.
Gates are like a train platform or a bus stop within a plane station (aka terminal). So think of the gates as a plane platform or a plane stop, at a plane station. And the plane itself, think of it as a bus or coach. Keep that in mind and relax.
6. At the Airport Going to the Final Gate
A. The Phobic Way:
This may be the most challenging part of the process for you. After you pass through security you may feel quite trapped and anxious because it feels like there’s no turning back now. You are in a different part of the airport. As you approach the final gate, you may think that the word “final gate” sounds ominous. You sit there like a dog at the vet clinic, sweating. You may feel starving but unable to eat, a pounding headache and horrible thoughts.
Imagine if you verbalized your thoughts? Would you sound crazy? Is it helpful to have this in your mind? You know that when you get to your destination you’ll realize how irrational and over the top your thoughts were. It doesn’t have to be like this now. Let’s try a new way and stop thinking like this.
B. The New Way:
Focus on controlling your thoughts. Meditate. Decide to be calm. Start by acting, pretending to be calm and perhaps say it out loud. “I feel fine, I’m calm.” Pretending works because sometimes that’s how you learn something new. This is the new way for you to feel in this situation. You know that your anxiety in this situation can make you susceptible to negative thoughts, so you disregard them. Nonsensical thoughts, irrational thoughts, unpleasant ones, let them go. Focus and stay mindful and in control. Not thinking but just focusing on a quietness of mind. You are in control.
Photo: Jeshoots-com, Pexels
7. Boarding the plane and waiting to take off
A. The Phobic Way:
So it’s time to board the plane. During this time of waiting you’ve probably magnified your anxiety to as yet undiscovered heights. You are resigned to facing your fears. Let’s paint a picture of you at the final gate.
Perhaps your partner has thoughtfully paid extra for ‘priority boarding.’ It’s great because now, the other passengers who didn’t pay an extra £10 ($14) glare resentfully as the sweating nervous wreck (that’s you) as you push to the front of the queue to get on the plane as quickly as possible.
You get on the plane
Fancy ‘wing walking’ or would you rather sit inside? Photo by Punttim and Airamdphoto, Pexels
On the plane you take your tiny claustrophobic seat. The back of the seat in front is about one inch from your nose. It’s not that you have a massive nose, it’s that you are on a budget airline. You’re sat bolt upright on a hard seat there’s nowhere to put your arms. It’s a little cramped.
Waiting, waiting and waiting
But you got on early so that’s good isn’t it? Well now you can sit and enjoy the next 30 plus minutes while all the tragically slow passengers make their way onto the plane. You can’t relax, it’s stuffy and too hot. The walkway is rammed with people messing about blocking the way.
They take forever to put a simple bag in an overhead bin and just get in their damned seats. You are getting irritable now, I can tell. You are impatient but you must wait. It’s too early to set up your entertainment. All you can do is contemplate the fact that the only way out is to run for the door and cause a scene. You feel trapped.
Now the plane fills up. It gets noisier and the chatter and hum of many voices is unsettling. Squeals from children, perhaps a baby crying. There is always a crying baby on the plane. You peep above the seat in front to see if everyone is on, and it’s two thirds full, enough to fuel a sudden feeling of claustrophobia. Lots of time to wait. A feeling of panic might rush through you and you hope it doesn’t stay. If you’re not careful the panic develops into a dreadful overwhelm, heart racing, panic attack in progress. How do we do all this differently, the new way?
B. The New Way:
Well there’s no big rush to jump on is there? Take your time, move slowly, and calmly like an old super chilled Buddhist monk might walk. Calm and controlled. Dignified and cool. Affirm to yourself “I’m going to relax and enjoy the journey”. Once you get on and sit down. Fasten your seatbelt and get all your entertainment bits ready to roll. A smartphone loaded with music, movies, and games. Maybe a book, MP3 player, magazine, or a laptop. You can put your earbuds or headphones on and start relaxing now.
Close your eyes. This is where you pull your awareness within, go inside and bring that calm meditation into your mind. If you listened to the free meditation, this is where it comes in very handy. The “OM” mantra is perfect for the flight and you can meditate as much as necessary. Silently thinking ‘Om’ as you breathe out. You can feel the quiet calm between the “OM” and the repetition. Repeat, repeat, repeat.
8. Taking off
A. The Phobic Way
This may be a peak of anxiety as there’s no way of getting off that plane now. It’s like being on a rollercoaster about to face the first big drop. Eventually you reach 30,000 feet and the seatbelt sign goes off. You are now exhausted, you probably expended so much anxious mental energy during the take off that is feels as if you contributed to the plane’s ascent. You need to stop doing that.
B. The New Way:
Some people interpret taking off in a plane as exciting and thrilling, they absolutely love taking off. You could become like that too. You don’t have to soak up all of the sights and sounds, the feeling of climbing up higher into the sky, the view from the window. Instead, you could close your eyes and be calm, withdraw into yourself and mentally chant ‘OM’. Relax and let your mind be blank, focus on that blankness, there’s nothing to think about, just nothing. Relax. …. and the seatbelt sign comes off. Feeling even calmer now.
9. Noises and sensations
A. The Phobic Way:
The ambient sounds of lots of people talking and chattering, the engine noises, the floating and dropping sensations may make you anxious and uncomfortable. The sight of the wings wobbling. Juddering during mild turbulence. Time seems to go slowly.
B. The New Way:
On the flight, you focus only on your activities, such as listening to music, meditating, reading, or watching a movie. You are absorbed in these activities, switching from one thing to the next, perhaps with periods of calm in between. A bit of turbulence is not a problem. It’s not dangerous. The pilot isn’t concerned. Look at the faces of the cabin crew, they are perfectly calm, and the same goes for you.
If you had any anxiety on the plane you can withdraw your attention inward and retreat into your private space. No thoughts are necessary. Focus on your book or phone or whatever else you brought, focus on that and nothing else. Headphones can help if noise bothers you. Don’t look around too much, stay mentally in your little inner sanctuary, focusing solely on what you are doing. Close your ears and eyes. Breathe slow ….. slow calm breaths. Long outbreaths. Let it go
10. Passing the time
A. The Phobic Way:
Tense, uncomfortable as you wait for the trolley with drinks and food in an effort to distract yourself. It’s taking so long though. You start blurting out “2 gin and tonics please” before it’s your turn because you have rather a “perishing thirst” or if you’re honest you want to self-medicate… now.
B. The New Way:
You are really comfortable flying. You’ve got all your entertainment sorted. You can meditate and disconnect from the world for a while and relax. When the trolley reaches you, you can get a nice drink and maybe a snack.
11. Landing
A. The Phobic Way:
When the pilot announces “we are about to begin our descent” you may get a feeling of relief as it is finally coming to an end. However, you can’t relax yet. On the way to the destination the descent can feel a bit woo, a bit “droppy”. Then some strong winds can make it sway and rock. It doesn’t feel good. Then you may feel the plane turning. Stomach churning. The ground gets closer and closer. You grip the arm rests.
B. The New Way:
You are looking forward to arriving at your destination, feeling excited. You think of something nice to do when you get there. Bump, thud, slowing, slowing… stop…. Lovely. On the ground now. You’ve arrived.
12. You can do it – with courage.
Forget being A. The phobic way. Be B. The new way from now on. Decide now that you will be B. When you arrive at your destination on your next flight you will know something has changed. You know you can do it again. If you feel anxiety, reframe it as excitement and exhilaration.
If that isn’t working for you, if you know you are experiencing some anxiety do not try to hide from the feelings. Let the feeling be there and allow it to pass. If you let it be there and welcome the feeling rather than battling with it, it will fade. Fighting it inside your mind and body is futile. It doesn’t work. Think to yourself “oh, hello there anxiety” and tell yourself it’s okay …. Let it be and let it pass.
You probably have been on flights before even though you had this diabolical fear. What does that tell you? You have courage. You feel fear and face it. There’s no need to make it so ridiculously uncomfortable anymore is there? You can do it more comfortably next time.
“Courage is tiny pieces of fear all glued together”
Terri Guillemets
My flight tips – This is what I do
I try to get extra sleep the week before the flight, just in case I have a poor night’s sleep the night before. This way even if I lack sleep, I wouldn’t feel too bad. I also prepare lots of entertainment for the flight. I do this at least 2 weeks before flying. This always includes a film on my phone, ear buds, an MP3 player loaded with music, a book or two, earplugs and my mala beads.
Photo by author
On my last flight I meditated a bit, silently chanted, while counting with my mala beads. Then I watched Kill Bill Part 1. Then I read a bit of Thich Nhat Hanh “You are Here.” Towards the end of the flight I listened to a bit of the movie soundtrack from “Baby Driver” I also had a glass of white wine. Keeping busy is the most effective way for me to enjoy a flight. I hope you find some of the tips and ideas in this article useful and I wish you good luck on your next flight.
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